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www.ilkestonlife.com ILKESTON LIFE February 2022 20
I’m gonna Get a Spaghetti-Leg

buy me a dog, my Spike’s Birthday
GP said.
We got
dog.... Murray. Story/poem by Cath Haywood

Michael Rosenblum This is the story of Spaghetti-Leg down the street.
There in the distance, he saw his
Spike,
whose birthday it was and he friend Pete.
few years ago, I went for wanted a bike. ‘Happy birthday Spike,’ Pete ran
A my annual check-up with ‘I want a bike in silver and red.’ over and said.
my GP in New York. ‘I want doesn’t get,’ his mum and ‘Did you get your new bike in
He did all the regular tests, but dad said. silver and red?’
when it came to taking my blood Spike thought this was odd ‘No, I don’t understand it,’ said
pressure, he stared at the gauge, because his mum and dad were Spike with a frown,
tapped it a few times, and said, “it smiling as they said it, and they’d ‘I’ve been thinking and thinking as
must be broken, let me get another been asking him for weeks what he I’ve walked round the town.
one.” wanted for his birthday. He’d even I’ve washed pots, I’ve cleaned, I
Alas the second machine gave the been keeping his bedroom tidy for gave my sister my trike.
same shocking result as the first - after Christmas Lisa and I drove adults. I let her take the lead here, a whole month to show how good What more can I do to get my new
215/110. Now if you’re not well out to Suffolk, to the breeder with although I did purchase a veritable he was – and that had been really bike?’
up on medical matters that figure whom we had been exchanging library on training tips and advice hard. You wouldn’t know it to look at
isn’t just high, it’s right up there emails for more than a year and from a vast array of experts in the Spaghetti-Leg Spike called on his Spike, with his sticky-up hair and
on the edge of outer space. picked up 9-week old Murray. field. gran. skinny legs as thin as spaghetti,
“Do you have headaches?” The Murray is a rough coated Jack Based on all of this along with
doctor enquired with a kind of Russell. If you have seen Doc advice from our friend Anne who He knew that she was his number but he was a kind, helpful boy
morbid curiosity. Martin, Buddy, the TV dog, is as has three extremely well behaved one fan. who deserved a new bike for his
I said I did not. close as you are going to get to spaniels of her own, we decided ‘Gran, I want a bike in silver and birthday.
“You,” he said, in the least reas- Murray. Also, I think Sykes on on crate training. We made a trip red.’ ‘Now listen here, Spike,’ said Pete
suring tone I’d ever heard, “are Midsomer Murders – or at least to Pets at Home and filled the car ‘You won’t get it from me – over with a smile.
a walking time bomb.” This is the series after John Barnaby (Neil with a vast array of toys, bowls, my body dead.’ ‘I’ve just seen your dad in a shop
very much not the kind of thing Dudgeon) replaced his cousin Tom leads, beds, blankets and anything Spike knew she meant over my for a while.
you want to hear from your GP, Barnaby (John Nettles). But you else we could find. Our kitchen dead body but she was always I’d been to the library with some
particularly when you’re feeling know what I mean. is now dominated not just by his saying things back to front. Spike books that I’d read,
fine. That’s hypertension for you. For many years I’ve been drawn crate, complete with beds, toys knew she was a bit mixed up be- Then your dad spotted me, that’s
It’s no wonder they call it the to Jack Russells, ever since my and a stuffed lamb complete with cause she was quite old. when I fled.’
silent killer. sister-in-law Nicky had one named battery-driven heartbeat, but it Spaghetti-Leg Spike took the bus Spike thought that was odd. His
In any event, he immediately Sally, my first contact with the is also surrounded by a cast iron to his aunt. dad should be at work until 5
packed me off to see the cardi- breed. Sally was perhaps the most enclosure that looks more like a He knew she wasn’t able to tell o’clock, not spending time in a
ologist, and this being America, intelligent dog I have ever en- doggy Colditz.
he put me through a series of countered. She had an awareness In fairness the breeder warned us him he can’t. shop.
extremely complex and expensive of everything that was going on that the first night in the crate he ‘Aunt, I want a bike in silver and Spaghetti-Leg Spike went home
tests involving MRI scans, being and seemed able to communicate is going to cry. Scream bloody red.’ for his tea,
injected with dyes, running on the with you at any time. She also murder would have been a more ‘You can’t ask me now, you must Because time had passed by - it
spot while connected to a bank of had a passion for tennis balls and appropriate description, and it was ask Uncle Ted.’ was well after three.
machines, ultrasounds and more. would play endlessly. You threw only the fact that Lisa held me Spike was surprised by this – his He opened the door; he went into
At the end of the tests, my new it and she returned it for hours on back that prevented me from rush- aunt had just said can’t. He’d the hall;
cardiologist told me: “hyper- end. It was she who most often ing down the stairs. It sounded never He saw his small sister playing
tension,” and put me on a run of initiated the game, nudging you like someone was trying to kill the heard her say can’t to anyone with her ball.
many pills that I was to take both with the ball until you complied. I poor mite. The fact that such a tiny before. ‘Spike’s here,’ she shouted. ‘Mum,
in the morning and at night, along often felt that given enough time, dog – he’s about the same size of Spaghetti-Leg Spike visited his Dad come and see.
with a home blood pressure testing I could have taught that little dog a guinea pig – could generate so uncle, Spike has come home for his
machine and an appointment a to read. much noise was astonishing. “If who was in hospital with a carbun- birthday tea.’
month later and every month When I was a kid growing up you run to him every time he cries, cle. In the kitchen doorway Spike saw
thereafter. on Long Island in the suburbs you are teaching him to cry every
When we moved to the UK, I of Manhattan, we had dogs, but time,” the breeder told us. So we ‘Uncle Ted, I want a bike in silver his dad, Mike,
had to find a cardiologist, and I fear that my parents had little toughed it out, and as predicted, and red.’ who was pushing before him a
through friends I was able to find a knowledge of how to either train she was right. He adjusted to the ‘Why ask me, Spike? I’m stuck shiny new bike.
highly recommended one down in or treat them. They came into our crate and is now incredibly well here in bed.’ ‘Happy Birthday, Spike,’ the three
London. Unlike my NY doctors, home not as puppies, but usu- behaved. A carbuncle is a huge nasty boil, of them said.
Dr. Foale works out of a beautiful ally fully-grown and from prior Our greater plan is to start writing usually on your leg. Spike didn’t ‘Here’s your new bike in silver and
old townhouse. His office features owners who simply could not or food/travel books from across the like the look of his uncle’s leg - it red.’
rows of reassuring leather-bound would not manage them. As a UK, and we want to take Murray looked like it might explode. So he
books, a real fireplace, a large result although they lived in our with us, so good behaviour is es- decided to leave.
Persian rug and thankfully, a home they were more or less feral. sential. So is the crate, which will Spaghetti-Leg Spike left the ward
very different attitude toward his Obviously, this does not result in be in the back of the car. with a nurse.
patients and their treatment. the best behaviour, and of course My friend Andy, who has three of Was it possible she could break his
At the end of our first session, Dr. my father’s disciplinary practice his own dogs, tells me that ‘”from bicycle curse?
Foale recommended a very differ- of regularly hitting them over the now on, your days will be dictated
ent course of treatment. head with a rolled up newspaper by serving the needs of a dog’s ‘Nurse, I want a bike in silver and
“Get a dog,” he said bluntly. when they misbehaved didn’t help bladder.” This may well be true, red.’
“Really?” much either. I should explain that but even after just a few days the ‘Is that a cut on your knee?
“A dog,” he told me, “is the best my father was a retired US Army love and affection he gives us Where’s my needle and thread?’
antidote to high blood pressure. colonel and expected everyone, is more than worth any amount Spike had cut his knee earlier in
He will force you to take long the dogs included to snap to atten- of trouble. And the best piece of the day when he’d climbed a tree.
walks every day, rain or shine; tion and follow orders. The poor news is that when I throw the ten- He didn’t like the idea of being
he’ll be your constant companion dogs never really grasped this con- nis ball, Murray already scampers sewn up. He decided it would be
and studies have shown that hav- cept and in fairness neither did I. off to retrieve it. Genius! Teaching less painful to ask his mum for
ing a dog actually lowers blood Fortunately, Lisa has had many him to read is next on my agenda. a plaster, so he ran out of the
pressure.” years of experience with her own And my blood pressure is already hospital.
So, after waiting nearly two years, dogs, all of which she took from dropping.
largely due to Covid, immediately puppies to very well behaved Spaghetti-Leg Spike walked on