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Column
www.ilkestonlife.com ILKESTON LIFE February 2022 19
In Search of Spring and Serenity in Erewash Paul
By

Got a conspiracy theory? – Fine, just keep it to yourself Harvey

don’t know about you but at a distant sun-drenched island. The that I may be able to influence in of me understand why the crème a ‘serene anger’ that I’m experi-
I this time of year I find myself problem is my inner voice is a per- some way. But not the big all con- de la crème of bankers all look so encing because I’m entirely confi-
desperately looking out for the sistent little critter, and strangely suming ones, those that even god boring and miserable. I mean if I dent that cease and desist notices
first tell tale signs that the end of the emptier the glass becomes the shrugs his shoulders at. was the only person in the country will be served on all of them any
winter is approaching. The tiny more sense it seems to make. I love For example I’m now in a space with a licence to print money I’d day now.
green spears of daffodil leaves England with a passion but to es- where I don’t give a damn about certainly be a little more jovial not Can you move your factory
are already forcing their way up cape the dark cold days of January Downing Street drinks parties, oth- to mention an off-the-wall life and please
through frost encrusted verge’s and February…well let’s be honest, er than if they’re going to appear soul of the party.
around the village. Up in the woods who wouldn’t? on TV I do wish our politicians Picking my battles Meanwhile down behind Stanton
the Bluebells have begun their an- Chained to a desk would get themselves kitted out in village some halfwit has built a
nual sprint to bloom before the tree some half decent suits, rather than Just as people tend not to walk factory… …. YES AN ENTIRE
canopy blocks out the life giving The ability to work remotely has appearing like a delegation of un- up to the biggest bruiser in the FACTORY RIGHT ACROSS A
sunlight. Today at 8.15 exactly the been possible for several years but employed 1960’s science teachers. pub, prod him in the chest and CLEARLY MARKED PUBLIC
sun peeped over the top of Hermit’s it took the pandemic and a chunk American politicians at least turn say ‘ere, who you looking at then FOOTPATH. A PUBLIC RIGHT OF
Wood, something that thankfully of government legislation to finally out in some decent schmutter even meat head’? I’ve decided not to get WAY THAT HAS BEEN THERE
now happens two minutes earlier push Luddite employers into letting if they do spoil it by topping things foaming at the mouth angry over SINCE TIME IMMEMORIAL.
and a little more towards the East it happen. A computer and an off with brightly coloured baseball battles I clearly can’t win. So in If that wasn’t bad enough when a
every day. internet connection and it doesn’t caps bearing messages like, Guns reality how does that work? lady member of our council went
I think it’s only natural that as make much difference if you’re in save lives - buy your kid an assault Well for example take the new down to investigate the owners got
January gives way to February and Birmingham or Bridgetown. rifle today.’ Stanton Park development that will mad because she had the audacity
Christmas is no more than a distant Of course there are still plenty of I don’t care about Novak Jock- bring an extra 2,000 to 4,000 vehi- TO WALK ON WHAT THEY
memory, things begin to feel slight- employers with the ‘Victorian mill strap or whatever his name is or cles a day onto our country lanes. CLAIMED WAS THEIR LAND!
ly… well… flat. Little wonder owner mind set’ who far prefer the non-story of his non-tennis In all truth I am slightly vexed by Now usually this would drive me
then that about now we all slip into their staff chained to the office match that clogged the news for that but no matter, I’m sure the INTO A BLIND RAGE but thanks
optimism mode and start looking desk. ‘If you can’t see them they’re days, along with claims that the borough planners will have it all in to my new-found inner peace I
forward to better times ahead. This not working’ is the mentality. withdrawal of his personal chef had hand even if there’s not so much AM EASILY IN CONTROL OF MY
year however things seem flatter But the truth is usually the exact violated his human rights. as a sniff of any plan to deal with EMOTIONS. Without doubt the au-
than usual, hardly surprising con- opposite. Many, including my other Got a conspiracy theory? the increased traffic – let alone any thorities will take this lot to court
sidering we’re fast approaching the half who has now shared my office That’s fine just don’t tell money. and have the ENTIRE EDIFICE
second anniversary of living cheek for nearly two years works even me From ‘niggled’ to slightly RAZED TO THE GROUND AND
by jowl with our new forever friend longer hours. In fact more often ‘cross’ THE FOOTPATH RE-INSTATED
Covid. than not too many, because in some These days I don’t even allow ALONG WITH TREES BUSHES
situations, home working combined myself to get overly vexed by
The stuff of dreams with the relative isolation, winter people who will insist trying to As to the fact that local residents AND THOSE LOVELY SINGING
were only given the absolute
But amidst all the gloom the other blues can escalate into something convince me about their latest minimum time to view, understand BIRDS. NOT TO MENTION A
day I spotted a small news item far more serious. fruitcake conspiracy theory. I’m and comment on Stanton Park - an HALF MILLION QUID FINE FOR
that really caught my attention not Feeling serene on Blue more than happy to have the Covid application so large it took a team THEIR TROUBLE.
to mention my imagination. The Monday jab even if it does implant me with of specialists nearly two years to A new found inner calm
island of Barbados it seems has a Google/ Microsoft/government prepare, admittedly that does make
woken up to the fact that not only The other week we had ‘Blue tracking chip. And while we’re me ‘slightly niggled’. Add to that And finally my new-found inner
do we Brits get weary of the long Monday’ the day when statistically on the subject don’t waste your the fact that this ‘consultation’ calm means that I am free of my
dark days of winter, millions are at least, winter, the arrival of credit breath telling me about the hidden was slipped in under the radar at obsession about the destruction of
now having to work from home. card statements confirming our capital city of a new world order Christmas and during the biggest our precious green belt in order to
The Barbadian government’s stroke Christmas spending, plus some that is buried under Denver airport. pandemic for over a century, my build MORE THAN 6,000 HOUS-
of entrepreneurial genius was to put really long nights all combine to I already know because the lizard dissatisfaction level has escalated ES. I REPEAT…6,000 HOUSES
the two together and offer low cost make it the most likely time for us people who right now are living up from ‘niggled to slightly cross/ ON BEAUTIFUL IRREPLACE-
one year visas for people who want to feel depressed. in the Hermits Cave took me there borderline quite cross indeed’. ABLE GREEN FIELDS. This
to work remotely – not from home Oddly it’s not affected me one jot, last night for a pint via an under- That said I’m sure our borough is all at the government’s whim
of course but from the sunshine of in fact over the past few weeks ground tunnel. New world order or representatives will have cancelled SO WHY HASN’T CENTRAL
Barbados. I’ve been feeling, how shall I say, not, at three Zonks a pint, the larger Christmas to spend every second GOVERNMENT BEEN TOLD TO
Listening to your inner very relaxed about things, I’d was over priced as well as being of the holiday period checking and STICK THEIR HOUSING NUM-
even go as far as to say I’ve been
rechecking that every resident is
voice feeling slightly serene. So how did distinctly warm. happy with these proposals. BERS WHERE THE BUILDERS
Beyond that I definitely don’t give
Of course, while it’s a nice idea I achieve this zen like state of indif- a curates chuff about the Bank of Serene anger DON’T STACK THEIR BRICKS?
for most of us it’s also completely ference in the depths of winter? England’s economic forecast for NOW THAT DOES MAKES ME
impractical – definitely the stuff of The peaceful bliss of no 2022, because be it rain or shine, As to the hugely impressive and ANGRY – SO ANGRY I COULD
dreams. That said I must admit that boom or bust the end result is never ever growing range of local recy- BE SICK……BUT I AM SERENE
late on a cold winter’s night when longer caring any different – one way or another cling plants that continue to pump ABOUT IT…DO -YOU – UN-
the house is quiet and with a glass Well it’s actually very simple, you we all get fleeced. And for me there out noise, pollution and misery for DERSTAND?…I -AM-VERY-
of something to hand, my inner see I’ve decided that I no longer lies one of life’s great mysteries. Stanton and half of Trowell, well VERY-SERENE or I will be just as
voice starts debating that fiendishly care. Don’t get me wrong, I still When it comes to the Bank of I’m ‘pretty angry’ about those. But soon as the embolism passes and
crafted snippet of information from care about the small things, things England I just cannot for the life please understand that is definitely my eyesight returns.
Obviously I still have some work
to do but when the effects of the
tablets and the anger management
course finally kick in, I’m sure
things will be better, much better.
And if not…well… there’s always
Barbados.
Far left: This picture postcard
scene of the lane down to Closes
Farm in Dale Abbey is at odds with
the fact that for many, the cold dark
days of winter can be the cause of
depression.
Left: Crocuses: February brings the
first colours of Spring to the village
green.