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www.ilkestonlife.com ILKESTON LIFE January 2022 19
Column
Beware the barmy ‘Aunty’ Harvey
By
Paul

admit that it’s also the very same incapable of errr…speaking
BBC sensation I get on hearing the flat ummm…coherently. All of which
BBC
roar of an unexpected Spitfire as makes for ...well...err…boring…
it tears across a cloudless summer ummm… nonsensical TV.
sky.
A BBC that’s out of control
A subtle reminder for the Even when they do manage to
dictators pick their way through the verbal
n a nationwide alert the public But of course Aunty Beeb is now minefield it’s only to be constantly
Iare warned not to underesti- an unpredictable 89 year old interrupted by the likes of Laura
mate the danger posed by an 89 schizophrenic. When she’s good Kuenssberg. Of course her stock
year old ‘aunty’ figure who is and has taken her medication she’s response would be that she’s only
currently slipping unnoticed into very good indeed and assumes her asking the questions the public
homes across the UK. rightful role as the grand dame want answers to. Fine dear, but
Last week I had a business meet- of BBC Radio, providing all the let’s go back to the original plan
ing with a very pleasant young comforting reassuring things where you ask the question and the
man from Somalia, his name was we’ve known since childhood. subject answers it while we listen. Boyah Farrar: “The BBC saved my life”
Boyah Farrar. During our conver- The shipping forecast, Test Match Meanwhile shut up and butt out
sation I happened to mention that Special, the flat chime of Big Ben, because the rest I’m quite capable
of figuring out myself.
I’d done quite a bit of work with the Greenwich time signal, and the
the BBC, but no sooner had the comforting overly British voice The problem is that the BBC is out
words left my lips than his attitude announcing in sonorous tones, of control for the simple reason no
instantly changed. He abruptly ‘this is the BBC from London’. one is actually in control. Crewed
stopped speaking and instantly a All of course unapologetically by well-off Guardian reading leftie
deeply troubled expression flashed British and a subtle way of saying pseudo intellectuals and steeped
across his face. His reaction was screw you Messrs Putin, Xi, and in political correctness, a succes-
totally unexpected, so much so little Rocket Man from North sion of clueless Director Generals
that in the awkward silence that Korea, not to mention the pace have simply hot wired the controls
followed I found myself doing a attack of the Australian touring and done a runner, so it has now
rapid re-run of our conversation, side along with anyone else that become one of those computer
trying to figure out if I’d said may wish us ill. controlled autonomous weapons
something that may have caused programmed to automatically
offence. When ‘Aunty’ has a bad destroy any opponent. In this case
The BBC saved my life he sudden- day our British values, democracy and
ly blurted out in a flat but urgent However on days when dear free speech.
tone that also managed to sound aunty has spat her tablets into the As a result nothing is sacred and
completely matter of fact. commode, her alter ego is starkly nothing is out of bounds. If they
I was speechless. It was such a revealed in the form of the BBC can trap someone in public life
ridiculous statement that I had no TV news and all who sail in her. into saying something they don’t Refugees head into the Somali desert hoping to escape the fighting
idea what to say, but what he said At the heart of the problem is that want to or don’t mean, then that’s
next was far from ridiculous. having suffered years of been force all the fun of the fair. number 10 Christmas party? An age of Prince Phillips funeral? And
Saved by the World fed a diet of depression induc- A history of stitch ups event that happened a year ago why did Director General George
and about which she clearly knows Entwistle receive a £511,500
ing East Enders, Question Time
Service modelled on Graham Norton’s Years back Martin Bashir stitched nothing. How pathetic of Bruce pay-off after just 54 days in the
He explained that as a young boy inverting chair, The nauseatingly up Diana, Princess of Wales and to abuse her position to try and job following the Jimmy Savile
along with his brothers and sisters righteous Victoria Derbyshire, The went on to do the same with Prince whip up a bear pit BBC audience scandal?
they had been forced to flee their One Show produced by those with Charles, although it has to be said to press her further. The pension- Let’s have her dragged before a
home because of the fighting in an IQ of a similar level, and the not without a little help from the ers pin-up wasn’t interested in the parliamentary select committee
what then was a lawless Somalia. BBC’s gender neutral version of couple themselves. More recent- answer of course, just the enter- to answer those and a few other
To escape, their mother had taken wife swap Strictly; we no longer ly, Emily Maitlis the self-styled tainment provided by repeatedly questions and see how cocky she
them into the dessert. They had no want just news. What we now femme fatal of News Night did the asking the question. That is the is then. After all it’s hugely news
food and little water but what she demand is entertainment, much in same with a spectacularly naive equivalent of inviting someone worthy and it would be so, so
Prince Andrew and has no doubt
did have was a tiny transistor radio the same way that public hangings, round to your home for dinner entertaining to watch.
on which they could get the BBC bear baiting and paying two pence has been preening and gloating then poking fun at them for the
World Service – the only station to mock the unfortunates in the ever since. entertainment of your other guests.
they could trust. He explained that lunatic asylum were all the essen- What we don’t see from the BBC Christmas Past
by listening to it night and day tials of good day out in Victorian anymore is respect. So what kind Snake oil salesmen by Sandy Warren
they could pin-point where the Britain. of society do we live in when our The truth is that unlike many MPs
worst of the fighting was and as a democratically elected representa- who have all the verbal skills of The tail of a candle still flickering
result were able to skirt around it. Dodging the booby traps tives have to kowtow to complete a snake oil salesman, Maggie by Bits of tinsel shine on the floor
Days or weeks later they arrived Jeremy Paxman perfected the con- nobodies who have been handed profession is a scientist in the A box of old gift wrappings
at a refugee camp. It was there and descending sneering style of in- the power to drive government health sector whose real value in Sadly waiting outside the front
in three other camps like it that terview back in the 1990’s. Since ministers from office if they don’t our current crisis is her brain. Un- door.
Boyah had grown up. It seems the then dozens of overpaid under dance to their tune. Ironically we like the air-head Ms Bruce whose
accuracy of the BBC’s reporting talented journalists have climbed foot the bill for both of them, so only skill is to read an autocue and Silent echoes of children laughing
Fading aromas of spices and scent
really had saved their lives. on the same band-wagon, all what we’ve actually done is to quite badly at that. The dregs of a dram of whiskey
shoot ourselves in the foot and pay
Pride in Britain attempting to carve out a name for for the privilege. Time to turn the tables The spirits of a happy event.
themselves based on nothing more
His story along with his com- than disrespect and bad manners. That number 10 party… So Ms Bruce how about you Rising steam from the bones just
plete reverence of the BBC and So entrenched has this become that answering some questions about simmering
by association anything British, politicians are now unable to speak again! the regular as clockwork scandals The relish of soup or a stew
brought a lump to my throat, the clearly in case they fall into one of On the occasions I have met her I that constantly beset the BBC – All these the memories of Christ-
same pride induced restriction that the many carefully devised traps have always found our local MP after all you work there so you mas
I often get on glimpsing the Union laid by the interviewer and his Maggie Throup approachable, must know the answers? How was With hopes for a happy new year.
Jack fluttering above the British production team. Now, when MPs pleasant and refreshingly frank. Martin Bashir allowed to forge
Consulate in some rat hole of a including the Prime Minister are So how come jack-of all-trades- documents to gain the famous
country where the value of life is interviewed, so preoccupied are master-of-none Fiona Bruce felt interview with Princess Diana?
about the same as an out of date they with scanning for booby-traps entitled to press her to answer a What was the reason for 100,000
bag of crisps. I’m not ashamed to that they are rendered ummm…. question about the now infamous complaints about the BBC’s cover-