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www.ilkestonlife.com ILKESTON LIFE January 2022 15
Column
Life’s Little Ups and Downs:

A Bit of a Change Painting and narrative

by Betty O’Neill

t turned out to be a fortuitous forward to earning a wage looking crook, to put an end to this non-
Itime to leave my teaching post after our daughter if I got the job. sense before there was an accident.
at Hallcroft as I fell pregnant Michael took me to the interview as When he came home one day I had
and eventually gave birth to my I didn’t drive at that time. We left a surprise for him, I’ve got a little
beautiful daughter. our daughter with my apprehen- job I said ‘but you will be in charge
My mother wouldn’t have been sive mother in law (who knew my of the kids in the evening’ “Doing
fit enough to look after our new daughter’s rages well!) Typically, what” he said “Scrubbing out the
daughter even if I had been still because I really didn’t want a full Coop butchery on South St in the
working. Our new addition to the time job, the interview went great evenings’. ‘I start Monday evening,
so you can pack that stupid job in
guns. I knew the area art organiser
family was pretty demanding and
seemed to be permanently welded from my previous posts and we now. ’His lip came out, ‘What have
you got that face on for?’ I said.
got on very well, both knowing
to my hip for a few years. I became
adept at cooking with one hand for colleagues in Ilkeston schools. I So on the next Monday evening I
met my new workmates, the half
came away thinking despondently
the pans and one for the baby (I that it was pretty obvious that they dozen ladies in tabards and turbans work, I’m their new cleaner.’ His such a nasty shock all would
blame her for my having to have were going to offer me the post and armed with mops buckets and lip came out. ‘What have you got change and I would soon feel the
them both replaced later!) She slept I really didn’t feel well enough or dusters who were responsible for that face on again for?’ I said. ‘It’s need to be able to drive and to
poorly as she wasn’t allowed into even want to do it. the cleaning of the Coop from top just what I want. It’s close by and give myself more mobility and the
our bed because Michael, my hus- We got home to find my mother in to bottom every evening six days a still only for two or three hours ability to get back home as quickly
band, had to be up early. The nights law frazzled and our daughter in a week, under the eagle eye of Nola in the evenings, do you think you as was possible.
It was one fine summer’s evening
can cope’? ‘It will be good for our
were long as I spent them awake terrible state after barely a couple the Supervisor, responsible for the
trying to pacify her so he could get of hours. I immediately phoned the Coop being kept spic and span. I young daughter and good for me.’ as I strolled home from work en-
‘Can I cope?’ he said, ‘It’s me she’s
joying the last of the sun, I ran into
his sleep and be in a state to work school and withdrew my applica- was issued with my new uniform,
the next day. Of course this is the tion. It wouldn’t have been fair to a blue tabard, mop bucket and a dealing with. She will be tucked up every parent’s worse nightmare.
in bed fast asleep for when you get
The sight of my husband pedaling
bane of mothers with new babies the lady who wanted to look after large electric scrubber that had a back.’ I thought, good luck with furiously up the hill on his bike
the world over but unfortunately our child or to risk our child driving mind of its own, a bag of cleaning that mate! towards me looking and shouting
our little treasure had a real prob- someone to distraction and possi- cloths and put to work. I was a I didn’t mind the work at all. In fact down people’s driveways panicked
lem with being separated from me bly being harmed. The interviewer little dismayed when I saw what I think for those precious two or me. I started running towards him.
for even the shortest of time, even was very disappointed but I was awaited me. I had the unenviable three hours to myself I would have ‘What’s the matter?’ I shouted. ‘I
to being put down into her pram or relieved, as far as I was concerned and toughest job on the team, (I paid my new employers to let me can’t find her!’ he shouted back.
cot for a while. After a little time my career was on hold for the fore- thought) the floors and walls of do it. I worked with just one other ‘She’s gone (meaning our then four
I began to have the same problem, seeable future. How to try to get a the butchery were sometimes very lady she was very nice and friend- year old daughter.) ‘She was on the
worrying what kind of state she was little time for myself was the issue. greasy and bloody to put it mildly, ly but working separately we saw lawn playing, I only took my eyes
getting herself into if I was missing Michael wasn’t helping the situa- and it wasn’t long before I became little of each other. The work was off of her for a couple of minutes.’
whenever she woke up. This had tion, he was the only one she would a vegetarian and have been ever easy and a little better paid but I did ‘FIND HER!’ I yelled at him as
been going on for some time and spend a little more time with and since. It was hard work but with a miss the laughs and banter of the he pedalled past. I too frantically
lack of sleep and a little post natal even with him she started fretting quick walk back to Awsworth for ladies at the Coop. I grew up with started shouting her name running
depression took its toll on me. pretty quickly. me after work if the weather was our Mam constantly cleaning in the down the street to our house where
It had been my decision to give He took on more work he was fine and often popping in to see if forties and fifties. There were no I looked in wardrobes and under
up my career. I’d wanted children working hard at the Raleigh bike mam and dad were alright. It was gadgets really back then and Mam beds in a blind panic. He came back
and I wanted to be at home for factory in Nottingham from 7.30 just what I needed to get a bit of always had jobs for us to do so my ten minutes later. ‘Have you found
them through those first years. That am to 4.30pm. He would be up at the outside world and to get my new job was a piece of cake. It was her?’ he shouted from the top of the
was my choice. Other people felt 6.30am and cycle from Awsworth head in the right place, and also to a quick walk back to Awsworth for drive. ‘No’ I shouted, ‘phone the
differently and that was theirs. We across the bridleway and footpaths get myself fit again. It did me good me after work, if the weather was police’. He pedalled off frantically
all try to make the right decisions to Strelley Village and then down working with those big hearted fine, and still being able to nip in to again, returning five minutes later
for our own circumstances. Our into Nottingham. He would get ladies who were always laughing or see if my mam and dad were both wheeling his bike and carrying our
only problem was this separation back home around at around quarter moaning about having extra work ok was just what I needed. Those daughter, who was crying, on his
issue that our daughter had. It was past five, have his dinner and a put on them and who welcomed two or three hours helped me to get arm. ‘You’ll kill me!’ I shouted as
really serious and it wasn’t healthy. quick shower then cycle back the me into their ranks with no nasty my head in the right place again my body flooded with both relief
My husband, the GP and I all felt same way to Skills bus depot in asides or barbs about my previous during a very trying and difficult and anger. It turned out she had
I needed to be away from her for a Nottingham and drive one of their employment (which I had expect- time in our lives and also, as an gone around the corner with her
little at a time, gradually building coaches until 11.30pm, cycling ed) a couple of the girls husbands added bonus, I got myself fit again. friend of a similar age and they had
it up. This would give me a break back home the same way. I would had been former pupils, they were It really did me good getting out become engrossed in watching a
and gradually get our baby used to sit waiting for him, worrying that he all lovely. Well not quite true, my and working for a couple of hours. man take an engine out of his car.
me not being there all of the time. It might not come home in one piece. husband always had some remark Being unable to drive and not really ‘Daddy shouted at me!’ she sobbed.
was a very difficult time. If I could He was cycling back in the dark about my low wage and my being wanting to learn limited me consid- ‘Did he? Well, darling, I’m going to
have left her for a while and broken through the bridleways and foot- just a butchers dog, oh no a dogs erably for getting around quickly shout at him now too!’ I told her.
this separation anxiety our daughter paths, it was madness. He would male isn’t it? Of course, it was the though, which could be a nuisance. That drama more than anything
had, I would have done so. It would laugh and say ‘Don’t be ridiculous. other one!! Like many woman I was well used motivated me to do something
have been great for both of us but I can do it with my eyes shut!’ He I stayed at the Co-op for two or to getting on buses loaded with about my mobility issues which had
it was very difficult and it took her was desperately tired anyway with three years and really enjoyed it, bags, a couple of children and a blighted my life. ‘I want to learn to
first few years to achieve. what was going on throughout the looking forward all day to my two pushchair, it was normal. So it was drive,’ I said after calming down
Then out of the blue I was informed night with the baby. It was literally or three hours of freedom every great to be back standing at a bus ‘I want to get from A to B quickly
that a post had become vacant at all bed and work for him and we evening. stop by myself or in a queue as I in future if you can’t be trusted!’
Ilkeston Grammar School. I didn’t hardly saw each other. He said he When he came home one day I did every evening, chatting to the ‘Is it my fault if she decides to go
want to go back to even part time was only doing it to keep the PSV surprised him again. ‘I’m leaving people who would be catching the walkabout he said?’ ‘She’s four‘ I
work, that wasn’t part of the plan. I license he held current and up to the Coop I’ve got another little job’, bus at the same time every evening, yelled at him
had two children and I wanted them date. ‘You never know what’s round I said. ‘Oh, why? What about our on their way to work or wherever. ‘If you want to drive, there’s no
to have those precious early years the corner,’ he’d say. The license is daughter?’, he said, immediately That was how it was for most of us need for us to pay for lessons lass,
with me. I wasn’t pressured into a job in my pocket if ever I should concerned. ‘Oh don’t worry, I’ve growing up. Most people travelled I’ll teach you!’ he replied.
applying for the post, my husband need it.’ At the time I couldn’t help got a good minder.’ ‘Who?’, he by bus, to school, to work, or to get Why did this not surprise me.
was a hard working man and a good thinking that he wanted to go off said. ‘You!’ I replied. ‘You will out and about. Believe it or not it ‘I know as much about driving as
provider, but we were the same as and play with big boys toys again still be in charge of the kids in the was a treasured part of your social any instructor, all you need is a
many other people bringing up a (the fancy buses that he liked driv- evenings.’ ‘Doing what? He said. life, chatting to people who you had little patience’.
family and money was tight. I was ing) or that he was just getting out ‘I’m going to work for a solicitors become used to travelling with. What could possibly go wrong…
tempted. Michael had found a nice of the way of all the screaming and firm’, I replied. He was impressed Little did I imagine that one day
lady just up the road who was in a meltdowns at home that seemed to ‘Oh right! he beamed. ‘Are they pretty soon on my return from
similar situation to me. She had a go on endlessly day and night. So going to train you up.? ‘No’, I said, work, that my husband was going
young child too and was looking I was determined, by hook or by ‘I’m able to go straight in and start to be responsible for giving me